caejones (caejones) wrote,

But I Digress

This started out as a reply to a commenter on Lesswrong saying something to the effect of "No one fails to learn social norms on purpose". I think I failed to phrase it as a rebuttal, it got messy, and Facebook is probably not the right place for it, but I didn't want to just archive it off in my even-more-whiny-than-Live-Journal files, so I'm dumping it here.

I was explicitly taught that people are generally more trouble than they're worth (the implicit part where that was all bullshit went completely over my head, because the choice was presented as "people and you will fail and probably wind up in jail, ignore people and strengthen your intelligence superpowers and actually accomplish something."). When this proved disastrous, my parents discovered Aspergers Syndrome, and decided that's what happened, rather than me listening to what I was told, and all my peers assuming my eccentricity was a product of my visual impairment and so never actually being peers so much as classmates.

It took two years of college for me to realize how huge a mistake it was to buy in to this worldview. I attempted to fix it after that, but it was sort of a too little too late type thing. (Though the sending me to the school for the blind's summer school program after my weirdness annoyed my seventh grade teachers too much should have been a clue, I mostly just saw it as the very thing I'd been training my whole life to oppose, and treated it as such. ... If anything, I withdrew further after that. I don't suppose I can blame myself so much for how the first half of my life turned out, but not seriously reevaluating my worldview when it became apparent that everyone who told me what it should be didn't actually believe what they were saying was quite the mistake. I think I've veered from my original point quite a bit, though.)

Tags: life, rationality
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