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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in caejones' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 26th, 2015
5:08 am
I am Neither Living nor Dead; I am the Instrument of Your Destruction!
You know, if I was just visually impaired, I could have a life kinda close to what I wanted.
Kinda close. My body and social expectations are still problems and ruin a lot of things. But my vision shouldn't stop me from doing much of anything, especially things like writing, music, programming, etc, for which all I need is a computer.

... Except...
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Current Mood: crushed
Tuesday, April 1st, 2014
1:12 am
Gotta Get Back to Hendrix
This started out as a comment elsewhere, but as things I write tend to do, it refused to stay small. So, guess what: LIVEJOURNAL'D!

I'm planning on returning to college (Hendrix, since you asked) in the fall. Most of the obvious scholarship application deadlines I've come across have passed, and I wasn't in a good position to make this decision until this month (a deadline just passed half an hour or so ago, and my application turned out flawed because I failed to account for Spring Break interfering with getting the necessary documents). I went in expecting tuition to have inflated to ~$40k; between an estimate from someone in admissions, and a random tweet I read just today on the cost of Harvard, reality is apparently closer to $20k, which is only half as terrifying.

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Current Mood: pensive
Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
10:10 pm
Questions for the NFB training center experts
I decided to compile a list of questions to ask an NFB representative/graduate/etc regarding their training programs. I was surprised when it wound up about 3 to four times as long as I expected.
Here they are, in case anyone has comments/criticisms/suggestions/etc.

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7:02 am
The Training Continues
Update on my "blind people training" quest/research: (Here's a link to a discussion on the subject.)

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Monday, February 17th, 2014
10:30 pm
(I found this draft from months ago when I opened LJ, and it seems to still ****ing fit, so screw it, I'm posting.)

I thought about posting this to a political candidate's Facebook page, then remembered that I'm not a complete idiot.

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Tl;DR: Someone save me. I'm getting kinda desperate and hopeless and maybe a little afraid for my life, here.

Current Mood: hopeless
Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
12:19 am
But I Digress
This started out as a reply to a commenter on Lesswrong saying something to the effect of "No one fails to learn social norms on purpose". I think I failed to phrase it as a rebuttal, it got messy, and Facebook is probably not the right place for it, but I didn't want to just archive it off in my even-more-whiny-than-Live-Journal files, so I'm dumping it here.

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12:14 am
Why I don't expect to get a programming job
(I typed this up, then left without posting it, and now LJ and NVDA are having issues and I decided to just post the bloody thing.)
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Monday, July 22nd, 2013
11:25 am
The Undying Robot Shogun
The extremely primitive AI in one of my games occasionally does something interesting, which I'm tempted to attribute to randomness more than design.
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Saturday, July 20th, 2013
4:30 am
I am Emo, Hear me Cry
I'm... just... gonna leave this here...
No, I'm not going to pretend this looks rational or reflects positively on me in any way. I don't even remember what compelled me to write it.

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Current Mood: gloomy
Thursday, July 18th, 2013
5:30 am
Speechul Snowflake Emofest
So, it occurs to me that 2001 was incredibly traumatic.
I've come to the conclusion that I just need to ignore the part where textbooks predict what's going on in my head. They're always wrong about that part, almost without exception.
And that part, where I expect to recognize something traumatizing by my emotional reaction at the time, is the main reason I've never called 2001 traumatizing.
That's not how the brain works. Looking at how I was before and after--it helps to think in terms of certain characters, which is actually how I came to this conclusion--any psychologist would conclude that 2001 consisted of at least 300 days of trauma, and to hell with what I claimed about how I felt at the time.
Death, reeducation camps, failing at probably the most important big damn hero opportunity I ever had (with lots of other people suffering for it to this day), and let's throw in 9/11 and wars and political conspiracy theories and the backdrop of seventh/eighth grade, just to completely shatter my ability to trust anyone ever, including myself.
I suspect there's some search results anchored to the end of all that which have a lot to do with why I am nowhere near as awesome as you would have predicted had you seen me in 2001. Now to figure out how to correct this. ... By researching SEO and trying to apply it to my brain. ... *Shrug*
Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
6:42 am
Death Spirals

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Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
1:52 am
Foiling my Hypothetical Plans
I'm an idiot.

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Current Mood: mischievous
Wednesday, May 15th, 2013
3:22 am
Found: Ugh
An Ugh Field is something that produces an intense negative reaction when you try to think about or act on it's contents.
For example: Doompapers. Or is that just me?

Anyway, I've figured out that, while my efforts Friday ran into an absurdly powerful Ugh Field, it was not around the entire subject I was working on, but mostly the mountains and mountains of user-configuration it would require.
This suggests that I should start with the easier stuff (in this case, solving the problem of not being able to see pictures on the screen), then either add or outsource the hard stuff (the simplest of GUIs and menu structures).

So... uh... yay, I guess?
Tuesday, May 14th, 2013
8:00 am
Misanthropy vs Independence
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Current Mood: frustrated
4:13 am
I dislike Weekends
Friday was horrible.
Monday was ok.

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Thursday, May 9th, 2013
7:47 pm
Just Google It?
Let's get this thing out of the way first:
The combination of running low on things I can do LC-wise without graphics, sound and better martial arts knowledge, and thinking on potentially useful things like "plans for building a feelscreen" or "some kinda internet startup" or "How to get out of my parents' house" = not coding this morning.

I did, however, come across a Senseg video on Youtube, which quite coincidentally was uploaded 364 days ago, in which the founder said that he expected eSense products on shelves in "the first half of next year". The first half of next year, from the perspective of May 2012, ends in approximately 42 days.
So, I have 42 days to do something awesome. Hmm...

On to the mystery of the vanishing NFB chapter...

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Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
2:12 am
Yes, I am in fact, likely to make a reference that absolutely no one else will get in the subject line. Although, if anyone figures it out, please let me know! That would be awesome!

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more it seems like I should be focusing my attention on not living with my parents.
If that sounds simple to solve, keep reading. (And if it still does by the end, please comment with your solution! Preferably in a non-flamy way...)

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Sunday, May 5th, 2013
2:06 pm
Environmental Optimization Analysis
This began as a Facebook status, then it spiralled out of control, as most of my ramblings tend to do.

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3:45 am
I fear my sleep schedule is simply less stable than I thought. Either that, or I've been trending toward going to bed slightly earlier each night pretty consistently over the past year and a half, but with enough plateaus and disruptions that it's hard to say for certain.

I don't get enough exercise. I do not have any solution for this.

I do not have a social life. I do not have any solution for this.

We should predict that all of the above would lead to decreased health/life expectancy.

Friday, May 3rd, 2013
5:53 am
Comprehension failure
So, yesterday I made two horrible misinterpretations of what should have been obvious posts, pretty much in sequence.

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Current Mood: confused
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