I am Neither Living nor Dead; I am the Instrument of Your Destruction!

You know, if I was just visually impaired, I could have a life kinda close to what I wanted.
Kinda close. My body and social expectations are still problems and ruin a lot of things. But my vision shouldn't stop me from doing much of anything, especially things like writing, music, programming, etc, for which all I need is a computer.

... Except...
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Gotta Get Back to Hendrix

This started out as a comment elsewhere, but as things I write tend to do, it refused to stay small. So, guess what: LIVEJOURNAL'D!

I'm planning on returning to college (Hendrix, since you asked) in the fall. Most of the obvious scholarship application deadlines I've come across have passed, and I wasn't in a good position to make this decision until this month (a deadline just passed half an hour or so ago, and my application turned out flawed because I failed to account for Spring Break interfering with getting the necessary documents). I went in expecting tuition to have inflated to ~$40k; between an estimate from someone in admissions, and a random tweet I read just today on the cost of Harvard, reality is apparently closer to $20k, which is only half as terrifying.

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(I found this draft from months ago when I opened LJ, and it seems to still ****ing fit, so screw it, I'm posting.)

I thought about posting this to a political candidate's Facebook page, then remembered that I'm not a complete idiot.

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Tl;DR: Someone save me. I'm getting kinda desperate and hopeless and maybe a little afraid for my life, here.
  • Current Music
    "End of All Hope", "Dead to the World"
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But I Digress

This started out as a reply to a commenter on Lesswrong saying something to the effect of "No one fails to learn social norms on purpose". I think I failed to phrase it as a rebuttal, it got messy, and Facebook is probably not the right place for it, but I didn't want to just archive it off in my even-more-whiny-than-Live-Journal files, so I'm dumping it here.

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Speechul Snowflake Emofest

So, it occurs to me that 2001 was incredibly traumatic.
I've come to the conclusion that I just need to ignore the part where textbooks predict what's going on in my head. They're always wrong about that part, almost without exception.
And that part, where I expect to recognize something traumatizing by my emotional reaction at the time, is the main reason I've never called 2001 traumatizing.
That's not how the brain works. Looking at how I was before and after--it helps to think in terms of certain characters, which is actually how I came to this conclusion--any psychologist would conclude that 2001 consisted of at least 300 days of trauma, and to hell with what I claimed about how I felt at the time.
Death, reeducation camps, failing at probably the most important big damn hero opportunity I ever had (with lots of other people suffering for it to this day), and let's throw in 9/11 and wars and political conspiracy theories and the backdrop of seventh/eighth grade, just to completely shatter my ability to trust anyone ever, including myself.
I suspect there's some search results anchored to the end of all that which have a lot to do with why I am nowhere near as awesome as you would have predicted had you seen me in 2001. Now to figure out how to correct this. ... By researching SEO and trying to apply it to my brain. ... *Shrug*